I don't know who you are anymore.

Today, I took one step closer towards accepting that I don't know who you are anymore.
I came to the place that we shared in memory, a place that became one of my favourite places because it was ours back then.
On my way here, I couldn't remember which was your favourite, and I disregarded it as a result of me not coming here for a long while. I'll probably remember it when I enter the bakery and look at its assortment of breads.

I stood there, scanning through the tags on the shelves of bread.
And I couldn't remember.
I stared and stared at the rows of tags and I couldn't remember.
My chest tightened as my eyes scrambled with more desperation over the different pastries, and the tiny pinch of panic swirled into a sandstorm.

And it hit me, in full force.

I've no clue what you like anymore.

I've no clue what you enjoy, nor what you don't.
I don't know the angelic and devilish voices that sing and haunt your mind,
I don't know what excites you and what puts you to misery.
I don't know the little things about you,
and neither do
I know what the biggest things are in your life anymore.
It's been 3 years, and I've been unable to let go of what I chose to walk away from.

You're gone. And you've been gone since 3 years ago.
What we had between us, is no longer something you wish to entertain.

And I'm moving firm steps away from all of this.
I can be sad and heartbroken all I want, but it doesn't change a single thing;
we no longer have anything beautiful between us, and I am no longer a priority.

What we had back then, you've set high standards for what I now know I deserve when it comes to love;

It's not about who you are, but what we have for and with each other.
You were an absolute fairytale,
my own favourite prince.
You may not have been their favourite, but you were mine.

Now, it's no more. And I'm going to move and sail away in my little boat.

Visiting one of our places, and remembering the sweeter times.

We would sit here, with plates and bread between us, and for hours,
just be with you and me.
You were annoyingly cute,
with your intelligence and muses.
And you often did things that softened my heart.
You were several heads in front of me, and you would walk all the way to me to ask for my tray so that you could pay for me.
I'd laugh and politely refuse, and you'll walk back. Then when it came to my turn, the cashier bagged my bread for me and turned away my card because "the gentleman just now has already paid for you".

your chivalries, I'll wish to remember. I'm honoured to have received, and now I'll keep them with me as I learn to navigate the standards of what my heart and soul shall only deserve.

Thank you, I'm grateful.

love,

val.