Letting go of the stories we tell ourselves.

I wish the love I poured out for you were enough for you to choose me back then.

I wish the priority you had in my life were enough for you to come back and make me your priority too.

I wish the sacrifices I made for you were enough for you to love me back the way I loved you.

These were the thoughts that constantly plagued my mind for a season of my life. Sometimes, they pierce right through my heart. Other times, they float around, heavy stomps and screams that threatened to shatter my heart into shards.

For a while, I couldn't understand. Or at least, I convinced myself that I didn't have enough information for me to accept the truth.

Then, I realised that all along,

I had already known what's true.

My mind already understood that the man I loved didn't love me back the same way,

and wasn't going to choose me the way I wanted him to.

And my mind already understood that the 'us' I believed so much in, was never going to become reality.

All along, I had enough information for me to understand the truth. I was simply closing my eyes and denying everything that was showing me what I didn't want to see.

One night, as I sat by the sea and stared at the starry winks of the sky, I took a huge breath.

One that went deep into my gut.

And from then on, I decided I will work hard.

I began to stop immersing myself in my stories about what I'm worth.

I worked really hard to change the stories I tell myself about what has happened,

and to simply look at what is.

"You meant so much to me. I wish it was enough. I wish I was enough for you. If only I were more like her. If only I were more your type. I can't lose you or 'us'.

… And you were a beautiful soul I chose to love.

The truth is that... you didn't feel the same way for me.

You didn't choose me.

I'm currently not feeling okay about that, and that's okay.

I'm hurting so, so much.

And that's okay too.

I'm hurting because I lost something important to me.

And I want to focus on loving myself through that pain now, rather than focusing on the 'you' who I've lost.”

This was tough for me to say to myself. There are so many other stories my mind and heart would rather choose, than to confront the truth of what happened.

I want you to know that it was really really tough to get to where I am now, to move myself away from wishing for what could have been and towards what truly is.

And if you are in a similar pain right now, I want to acknowledge the intensity of hurt you're experiencing,

the struggle you're having.

This musn't be easy for you, and I really wish I could help take some of that pain away.

As you read this, my one message for you is this;

you will not get out of your cycle of pain, until you change the story you tell yourself about what has happened.

As humans, our minds love stories.

And we hate to let go of what we wanted very much.

So when you're ready to move along, my advice is for you to take a look at the loudest recurring thoughts you have,

when you're in the peak of your pain.

Be honest with yourself. Why are you hurting so much, truly?

Is there a story you've been holding on to, regarding what happened? Can you relook at the facts of what truly happened, in a neutral and objective manner?

Can you then allow yourself to be at peace with what has happened,

while acknowledging that you're not okay?