3 ways to ‘fall’ in love.
It came as a shower thought, on the 10th of December in 2022.
Staring at my reflection in the mirror, my fingers gently kneaded facial cleansing foam across the breadths of my face.
“Why do we call it, ‘falling in love’?
Why is love associated with the idea of falling, and not rising or even just flowing?”
Looking back at my own experiences of ‘falling in love’ with different men, I could identify several reasons why this process of loving someone else is worded as such.
Vulnerability.
When we fall in love, we venture closer towards vulnerability.
Vulnerability often feels ‘deep’ because it requires us to reach into the depths of who we truly are,
summon that up and
bare it all out to our other.
Vulnerability requires us to risk feeling that range of unpleasant emotions
we often try so hard to avoid feeling;
rejection, dismissal,
mocking, condemnation,
judged, abandoned.
To receive any of these 6 reactions to our deepest and realest selves would bring a considerable amount of hurt.
And thus, vulnerability is truly a choice of surrendering ourselves to the risk of pain.
When we fall in love, we often bring out who we truly are and show these parts of ourselves to the other.
Falling in love, is thus also a tumble into vulnerability.
2. Patterns.
When we fall in love, sometimes we sink deeper into our patterns.
Are we aware if we are entering this new relationship from a place of unhealed wounds, or from a place of what we can create together?
Am I falling in love with who I think he can be for me,
or who he truly is with me?
Am I falling in love with his charm, confidence and charisma,
or his true character that lies beneath that suave?
Am I falling in love with the care and attention he gives to me,
or the value his presence truly brings to my own way of being?
Am I falling in love with the thrill and chaos he pursues as a lifestyle,
or the excitement we create for each other
when we are together?
Looking back, there have been one too many times where I fell in love with a specific trait of the man
simply because that part of him speaks to a wounded part of my own soul.
The part that craves for a man with ‘ideal’ traits.
The part that craves for attention, for unconditional care.
The part that craves for an escape from the parts of my life I’m not willing to look at.
I did not fall in love with the man for who he truly is, for what the two of us create when we are together.
I fell in love with the way he helped me numb my pain, the way he gave me relief from my grief.
But yet, every experience of falling in love, still felt like ‘falling’. I was simply ‘falling’ deeper into my own unhealed scars.
3. Intensity of emotions.
When we fall in love, we find ourselves plunging into such intensities of joy and excitement and peace with this person,
that it feels…
surreal.
And really, really ‘deep’.
Such strong waves of energy move through every fibre of our being, in every moment we interact.
Love does that to you.
Love brings you to such heights of emotion,
to such depths of feeling.
The unexplainable joy when you catch sight of him after being away for 2 weeks;
the indescribable thrill that zips across your chest when you lean in for your first kiss;
the magical descend into this calm, unwavering peace when you see him enter the room.
So, whether you’re experiencing a ‘high’ or a ‘low’ with this significant other?
Our emotions often lead us to feel like we are falling, because feeling these emotions can seem
so rapid and out of control.
We just can’t get enough of them.
These feelings drop us into intensities of emotion that seem to reach so deeply within us,
we feel in places we never felt before.
Falling in love is a beautiful experience.
You never know where it can lead you,
and eventually you learn that the true magic of love
is to surrender to the ‘fall’s in love.
Allow your heart to lead you, your mind to wander where it wishes to,
and as long as you always choose what’s real for you?
You will see love in its true beauty.
I hope you trust
and fall
in love.
