It’s time for the heart, less the mind.
This piece is for the ones whose hearts are not in a great place and want to stop ‘moving on’, but you struggle to.
Sometimes, our body moves a lot faster than the rest of us. It drags our minds along,
because that’s so much easier than stopping and seeing everybody else move ahead.
That’s so much easier than stopping to feel our feelings, to look at our hearts, letting the uncomfortable emotions take over.
I’m a natural at ‘moving on’.
I grew up learning to prioritize ‘productivity’ and ‘others’ over my own emotions, and unfortunately, I’ve gotten really good at it.
It’s been a bumpy ride, learning to make time and space for my feelings (especially the tougher feelings) in my schedule.
It’s been an even bumpier ride, learning how to BE with my feelings when I do make time and space for them.
I wouldn’t say I’m the best at being with my heart rather than my mind all the time now, but I have definitely gotten much better at it after struggling through the years.
So what I can offer you, are things that have worked for me.
Be in your special space.
My special space is this specific corner in my kitchen. When I squat into it, I feel safe.
The kitchen cupboards huddle me from two sides; my back and my right. And when I tilt my chin up, I get a view of the sky from my kitchen window.
This is my special space. A place where it feels easier to breathe when things feel hard,
a place where I feel safe enough to connect with my feelings.
If you have a special space for yourself too, that’s a blessing!
Let the magic of this space support you to be with your heart, in the times when you’re not feeling good,
When you find yourself rushing to ‘move on’,
go to this space and be still.
Let every inhale and exhale of your breath open up your heart for you.
Let this space be a place you can let go and simply feel what you feel.
If you don’t have a special space, I’ll nudge you to create one.
Because special spaces don’t have to be found;
they can be created.
Choose somewhere you can access easily enough, and then do what you need to do to make it a space you feel emotionally and mentally safe in.
Make it a space that helps you feel calm, that helps you slow down and deepen your breathing.
Make it a space you want to spend time in,
that helps you connect within and be present with yourself.
So that when your heart is not in a great place, here’s where you can bring you and your heart to be.
2. Hold your heart.
Literally.
And do it with gentleness and embrace.
The body isn’t just a vessel for our bodily functions. Our body learns from the way we are with it.
If you want to change the way your mind and heart connect together, if you want to change the way you are with your heart,
sometimes the best way to start is to do it physically.
Find time in your days, to simply place your hand over your heart.
Let yourself breathe deeply, and close your eyes if that helps you to be.
Send soothing words to your heart, through your hand.
Here’s one of the ways I talk to myself sometimes.
““I’m not feeling great, and I am taking time to feel all that I’m feeling.
It’s hard because my mind keeps running and I keep wanting to DO things.
But I will spend time to be with myself, to be with my heart,
because my feelings are important. My feelings are different parts of me, and I want to receive each of them exactly as they are.
And I will love all parts of me through this tough phase of my life.””
Tell yourself the words your heart needs to hear from you,
to help it open up and feel.
Tell yourself the words your mind needs to hear from you,
to help it understand it can slow down and be still for a moment, that doing so doesn’t mean you will ‘lag behind’.
Understand that we can physically and verbally change the way our hearts, minds and bodies work. That’s one of our greatest, yet most unused, superpowers.
These are just two methods I use to help myself learn to slow down, detach from the need to keep moving on, and be with my heart and my feelings in gentle, loving kindness. There are more, but today these two spoke loudest to me so I am only going to write about them for now.
Do note that these two methods may not work for you, because I am not you and you are not me. Each of our hearts, minds and bodies are wired differently, and we all require different things.
But I hope this post holds space for you to know you are not alone in struggling to feel your feelings.
You are brave, for even wanting to consider feeling your feelings.
And I know you can find your way there.
You have nowhere to rush to, except to be here and now.
And there is no need to move on;
you will move when your emotions are fully seen and embraced by you.
hugs,
val
